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Good Idea, Cameron

January 14, 2010

I would have walked out of Avatar if I hadn’t taken four people with me that wanted to see it.  There was, however, plenty of unintentional comedy to be enjoyed during the course of the awfulness that was the plot/script of that film.  One of the funniest parts is the “sex scene”, if you’re willing to grant the scene that particular baksheesh, which takes place between the she-Na’Vi and the main character’s big blue remote-control vehicle.  Brian Moylan at Gawker explains:

Our friends at Movieline noticed that the sex scene between Jake and Neytiri that was axed from the movie is in the script Fox posted online. The Na’vi don’t have sex like humans—they have “the ultimate intimacy.”

No, these giant blue creatures don’t need genitals (so then why the loincloths?) because they have their pony tail-like “queues” to mesh together. Riding your woman is just like riding a banshee, except the wind isn’t in your face. Check out the dirtiest bits from page 90 of the script below. It’s almost enough to…uh, make your hair stand on end.

Yeah, it’s weird.  Aside from the strange fact that the Na’Vi have four appendages when every other animal on the planet with which they share a lot of whatever their genetic material is has six, they have these pony tails with “queues” on the end of them, consisting of “tendrils” that allow them to bond physically with their world.  I started laughing out loud when the scene in question unfolded and my buddy next to me said, “So are they gonna pony tail each other now?”  What’s even funnier is…that was the actual plan.  They were really going to put this ridiculous scene in there.  And they continue to pretend that this movie was not for ten year olds.

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