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Insights from Political Insiders: Jersey Shore Edition

July 12, 2010

It’s time for the Very Important Story of the day.  Meghan McCain interviewed Snooki from Jersey Shore in a spot at The Daily Beast.  Believe it or not, I found a few diamonds in what otherwise was the rough at St. Andrews (low-key golf reference, boys).  That’s right.  It was a bit like sifting through the Foreigner discography looking for that One Good Song — it’s “Juke Box Hero”, if you’re wondering — but I did it (is that something to be proud of?)!  Turns out Snooki voted for John McCain and, to everybody’s surprise, she’s against the tax on tanning.  Let’s rewind our brains to third grade for a second and try to read this passage:

Meghan: … Have you always been a Republican? And are you still interested in politics?

Snooki: To be honest with you, I’m not really a Republican or a Democrat. I actually signed up as an independent, just because I don’t want to pick any side and also I don’t really know a lot about politics. I only know politics about, like, you know, tanning and being a Guidette. So when I saw it was Obama and McCain, to be honest with you, the only reason why I voted for your father was because he was really cute and I liked when he did his speeches.

Meghan: Well, thank you. [Laughing] I appreciate that, though it’s a little weird… Are you still pissed off about the tax on tanning?

Snooki: Um, I really don’t see the reason why there would be a tax on tanning, because so many people go tanning even though they’re not, like, Guido/Guidettes. People go tanning because they like to feel tan. You feel more sexy when you’re tan and I don’t understand why you would tax on that, because you’re making yourself feel more happy about yourself. So I really don’t understand why that would be, but you know, whatever.

Yeah, she’s just like your average American, all she knows about politics is tanning and being a Guidette (WTF?).  She has a point about the tanning, though: why tax something that makes “yourself feel more happy about yourself”?  I don’t know about tanning, but cosmetic surgery, for example, is one of the things that demonstrably increases happiness in the long run, unlike expensive luxury items.  A tax on cosmetic surgery is essentially a direct tax on people’s happiness.  That probably holds for tanning too, even though I’m not privy to any special intel on tanning bed research.

Furthermore, it may be that the tanning tax is regressive.  That’s certainly true for the cosmetic tax.  If that were true, it would nix the “Let’s tax tanning so rich people have to pay more for stuff” notion.  Maybe we orta think about stuff before we just go and start taxing it, eh?  Just, like, for a second?

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